Rude was feeling a lot of emotions right now and he wasn't attempting to hide any of them from Reno these days. The week after the showdown with the Evergreen Circle saw Rude keeping a close eye on his partner. He insisted that Reno stay home until he was fully healed from the effects of the cwyld infection he had endured at the hands of the crazy cult. The boiling plethora of emotions were ever constant, keeping them company throughout the week.
Rude was outraged at the stupidity of his partner. He had been upset, rightly so, at Reno for getting so involved with that mess that he'd ended up brainwashed for crying out loud. More so, however, the large Turk had been angry at the people in the cult that had forced this onto his friend and had taken it out on them during the final confrontation as much as possible. But now that was over and all Rude has was his raw emotions to deal with. It was hard to hold back; he had so many and on top of that his dragon instincts were causing him to want to hoard protectively over his partner and keep him safe from every possible harm the damn world could throw at him.
All the rage and anger really led back to one thing though: he was concerned with Reno's well being. He just wanted to keep Reno safe and watch him heal. He loved the reckless redhead so much but it was hard to watch Reno be Reno and want to protect him at the same time sometimes. That worry and concern peaked every time Reno passed by the front door to the point that even Rude was beginning to feel exhausted by his own over-protectiveness for Reno. He felt guilt for that, too, but also relief every time Reno simply headed to another part of the apartment with not even a glance at the possible escape from his lockdown.
And then there was the doubt. Rude tried not to think about it, knew that it wasn't right, but he had been surprised to find that Reno had managed to keep the cwyld infection from him for so long. It made sense considering how Reno had done his best to keep his distance and never letting Rude touch him for long moments, always moving away with swift little sidesteps. Hiding it from him. It had...hurt.
Half a month spent away from his partner. Their Bond closed off almost completely, a secret being kept by Reno, and no touch between them for so long. Rude couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. (What had he done wrong? Why had Reno separated from him? Had it fallen apart so quickly between them? Were they...done already?)
He kept it to himself then. Now he let all his emotions ping straight across their Bond openly. Anger, frustration, worry and concern, guilt...the lingering pain of doubt. He was angry at Reno, certainly, but more so himself for letting his partner down. Frustrated that he couldn't do more, even now as he took care of Reno. Worry and concern that had gnawed away at him while he watched Reno grow more and more distant to keep his secret, concern now over the smaller man's health because he had let the infection fester so long. Guilt for not seeing it sooner, not helping Reno keep his head on straight. The doubt...the lingering feelings of how it had hurt to be kept away. He was still wary to touch Reno and ask for that comfort. That feeling of closeness. To be assured they were--
His mixed feelings changed by the hour. He wasn't sure if he wanted to stew in them himself or was more keen to force Reno to experience them now that he was cornered in the apartment with him. He couldn't focus on just one either way. He'd feel guilt for them as he cycled through the bad ones, and in a sense sort of relieved when he settled into the more warm bits like concern and happiness that Reno was all right. He wanted to caress Reno and hold him and tell him it'd be okay, like a stupid worrywart or something; but held off, forcefully keeping an eye on Reno and pretending that he was fine playing hard-ass enforcer. That he could keep Reno locked in this apartment for who knew how long as if it were the right thing to do.
He knew better. He just didn't want to think about it yet.
One evening as Reno tried to sneak out the door while Rude was seemingly preoccupied elsewhere, the redheaded Turk would very suddenly hear a deep voice asking sharply, "Where the hell do you think you're going?"
There was a hard edge to it. Like Rude would absolutely go over there and manhandle Reno into staying inside whether he liked it or not if the redhead even attempted to open the door. At the same time there was a flippant off-handed inflection that made it sound like Rude didn't actually care, that he expected Reno to give him some bullshit answer anyway.
Which was it? That was for Reno to decide. Quickly. Rude was waiting.
Reno had frozen in place at the rumbling sound of Rude's voice; tense, on edge. Until with a stretch of his neck, he forced his posture to relax, shoulders to slouch, and roll with what was supposed to be a casual shrug. This followed by a calm answer and a lack of any attempt to turn around and face his partner.
"I just want to get some cigarettes, man."
Reno doesn't bullshit Rude when it matters, or rather that's how it used to be before the cult turned everything on its head. But while the spoken intention is genuine, there's obviously, more to that. The walls of the apartment start to feel suffocating, and for the first time in — how long exactly?? — he feels recovered enough to take a walk.
And maybe forget, escape, for just a few minutes.
It never was supposed to end this way, but it did, and he has no idea... what's next. This whole investigation turned out to be a major fiasco, he got played like a fucking idiot. Confident that few bought trinkets and runes can buy him immunity to whatever gets flung at him, and then turns out it to be wrong. No need to say "you couldn't anticipate they will use mind control magic", because hell, he's a Turk. He should have anticipated every damn thing they threw at them.
It was insidious, really. Seeping slowly like venom, so every step taken seemed logical, natural, safe. Even keeping Rude out of the loop he perfectly explained to himself, which should have been the first red flag but went entirely unnoticed. Then he started to believe in their bullshit, believe in their vision. Like a fucking child.
Reno's rage was more internal than external — as to his knowledge, the whole failure of a Circle has been dealt with. What hasn't been dealt with, was his own failure. He was angry at himself, for failing Rude, for failing everything he was and aspired to be. Hell, he knows that dragons are more susceptible to Cwyld than others, that they should be careful— and yet he still put Rude at risk. At least he still had enough of the brain to keep his distance, but if that didn't work out...
It came out as a deep growl, one that lingered in the dragon's throat long past the actual word. He didn't necessarily mean for it to happen but his dragon instincts were flared up high and it felt oddly good to voice his irritation at the situation. Like a wolf showing its displeasure at another pack member that was annoying it with stupid antics.
"You really think that's a good idea?"
A creak of leather sounded. The clench of Rude's fists had caused it.
It's not like Reno's ideas were any good lately. Like that... investigations for example. Or keeping distance too. Despite their closeness, the thrumming of emotions over the Bond dulled by the walls, and lack of touch. Nothing alike to when it initially settled.
Reno's constantly going between wanting to bridge the gap, and figuring it's a very bad idea at least right now.
"I just have a need. Nothing more, nothing less" That's curt, but since it's Rude... he tries to make some effort, giving it a thought of what else he could add to it. "I take you don't want me to go"
That plaintive sentence at the end gave Rude pause. It was blunt and as well it should have been. He was being unreasonable about this, wasn't he? But he wanted--he needed to keep his partner safe. Even if it was from himself.
"Go outside where there's danger while you're still recovering from the mess you got into last?" He huffed a large puff of air from his nostrils as if he were some great beast of a dragon. "Why would you think that?"
Well damn, he had to look up at his partner— he always had to look up, but with their changes, the difference became just... more noticeable. Sometimes imposing, usually in a good way.
Compared to a big, strong dragon, he was just a lanky harpy, with ruffled feathers. He wouldn't trust himself with flying right now, and Rude must have been aware of it. Since he never tried to shoo Reno away from the windows. He is, certainly, not a picture of health.
But he also stubbornly wants a little bit of ability to self determine again.
His lips go into a thin, flat line and spats out without thinking.
It's rare that Rude raises his voice, that he yells, especially at Reno. It was so rare he didn't even really do it whenever there were loud noises to talk over. He just projected his voice more. Hardly ever yelled. But this? This was an exception. There was a sharp bite to his words. More than that--
The large frame had rushed forward quickly. A hand pushed into Reno's chest and pinned him against the wall. His other hand splayed across the wall behind Reno's head, and the large dragon-man leaned forwards down over the smaller harpy. Without his sunglasses in place, it was impossible to miss the fire in his bright golden eyes. Wild, frustrated, burning emotion raw in his eyes.
"And the time before this I had to carry you out of harm's way. If I have to do that again-- if it's ever worse--" His voice cracked and he didn't finish that sentence. The thought was unbearable.
You can't leave him, Reno. Don't leave him behind.
Reno's face twists as if Rude's words caused him physical pain— Fuck up once, it happens. Fuck up twice, it's a coincidence. Fuck up three times and it's a pattern.
When his back hits the wall, and the imposing strength of his dragon Bonded keeps him locked in place, Reno groans and bends a little. Suddenly, suddenly he can feel Rude with the full intensity he allows. The frustration, the worry, the heartbreak.
The last time that was a close one, was the opposite of what happened with the Circle. It was a mission that has gone right, terribly right. And yet it ended exactly the same, with Rude carrying his nearly lifeless body.
"You think I wanted to fall for their bullshit?"
Holy shit, maybe he did. The enticement of someone being right, and being strong enough to follow their plan— no. That's definitely what the charm exploited, but he never chose to be under the influence. So he looks Rude in the eyes, voice strange and shaky. A small harpy challenging a large dragon... challenging or confessing? There's emotion there Rude's never heard before - shame.
"I keep wondering if they sit in my head still. If my thoughts are really my own— yeah, I fucked up. But they fucked with me first"
It was unfair. Rude knew it and still he let those words fall out of his mouth. There was regret immediately. Yet there was also no apology, not verbally nor in the form of their Bond emotionally, he let it stand as if he meant them with full conviction. It was harsh, and unfair.
His fingers curled into Reno's chest, talons dangerously close to piercing flesh when they shouldn't. He leaned in closer, his head next to Reno's as he spoke next to the redhead's ear.
"How can I let you go when you tell me yourself that you're not certain you're better? How can I trust you to be safe without me? Why should I let you go, Reno? So I can lose you again?"
First Aerith, now Rude of all people? Is that what they think of him? That he wanted someone high up there to blindly follow, someone to tell him what to do, someone to make him into a useful asset—
Are they right about it? Is that what made him susceptible to the enchantment?
Live fast, die young, don't think too hard about shit that happens, because there's a lot of it. While Reno is capable of introspection, it is not something that he exercises often. Aefenglom might have shifted his priorities back from "consummate professional" back into "survival above everything else", but Rude remained one constant in his life. Though... things changed there too. A lot. He still wanted to fight— the accusation, the pressure, the closeness.
"Asshole, you—" he hisses and curls his hand into a fist that he bumps into Rude's chest. There's not enough space to gain momentum and strength, so it's useless, both as a hit and as a statement. "Using my words against me? That's how you want to do it?"
Because oh he can play that game. It's cruel and vindictive, and— not something he'd want to use on Rude. But when he's cornered, all defense instincts (old and new) kick in. Fight or flight, or...
"You could have just said you'll go with me" Reno grunts gruffly to cover the hurt "But you wanted to throw that in my face."
Reno wasn't wrong. It should have hurt Rude more to have that thrown right back at him. He paused to assess. When he let himself think about it he could feel the guilt seep in. It did hurt, he was just running on instincts that wanted to curb those emotions to get what he wanted without compromise. That was wrong.
Rude let out a distraught sigh of air and loosened his grip on Reno. He was hurting the thing he wanted to protect most all on his own.
His hand lifted from Reno's chest to hesitantly cup the redhead's chin. He didn't deserve the right to comfort his partner after what he did but it was what he wanted to do. He avoided Reno's eyes by staying close and not letting the harpy manuever into a better position.
"Reno..." Even with his deep voice the name came out airy, emotional. "I... don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt you. I just- I need to protect you."
He pulled away to finally meet Reno's eyes, steady and firm despite the emotion roiling inside. He still kept his hand on Reno's chin, a thumb brushing along the skin carefully.
As Reno was subconsciously gearing up for a fight, air thrumming in his lungs with every breath he took. Thought he'd deflate at the sign of Rude's yielding, at the compromise and the tender gentleness that followed. He's still high-strung with emotion, but also intensely needing Rude to not move away.
Turquoise eyes darken darkens with sudden ferocity and he lunges forward. their teeth clacking with the force of his kiss— that he has to stand on his toes to reach. His kiss is like an attack, starved for something, something that's deeply woven and knotted between the cage of his ribs.
"Always—" And it's over as soon as it began with a cackle at the edge of his breath. "Shit, you're an asshole, but you're my asshole"
He's placated, even though that aggression, that... ferocity, still courses through his veins. Making no move to get out of this spot, no effort to escape.
"I ain't fragile, you don't have to fear manhandling me a bit, just don't—" his voice stops, and he doesn't finish, turning his gaze away. Don't hit in the weakness, don't dig into the only insecurity that there might be, but he can't say that out loud.
"We might hurt each other, that's what we're good" instead he says wistfully. But they're also resilient bastards.
Startled by the sudden ferocity of Reno's attack on his mouth, Rude had to make an effort not to take a step back. He groaned softly in surprise and pleasure both, wanting, needing this as much as Reno and disappointed when it stopped just as suddenly as it started.
But Reno didn't move out of his personal space and Rude took the opportunity to wrap an arm around the redhead's waist to hold him there firmly. His eyes sparked with something needy and dark at Reno's words. They held a truth in them that was both sad and yet enticingly exhilarating. The idea of them fighting for something more...pleasurable.
"I know you're strong," he replied instead of ignoring the words for something else entirely. "But you deserve better from your partner."
This wasn't some playful fight over who would write the latest report. It wasn't even a simple spat over some dumb joke that went too far that later wouldn't even matter to either of them because the reality was that no matter what happened between them they would always be partners. No, this was more personal, more close to the bone. It had struck a sensitive nerve on purpose and that wasn't acceptable.
Especially as they were more than just partners these days. It was all still so new to them though so there was still things to discover. On top of that this world gave them further complications. But as much as Rude would have liked to blame it on his dragon side, that was still just an excuse. He had to have better control than that. How could he protect Reno if he didn't?
Still, that didn't mean his apology had to be very...normal. What was normal for them was just plain boring. A little thrill would go a lot further for both of them.
Rude tightened his grip on Reno, holding the harpy almost painfully close, and his other hand found its way back to Reno's chin to hold firmly. "I missed you, damn it." If it wasn't obvious through their Bond that he meant it sincerely then the tension throughout his body and the spark created between them as they held each other close would have made it so. "You know I hate worrying," he growled though now the sound was a completely different tone. It was playful in a rough way, demanding way that spoke of desire rather than annoyance or hurt.
And the words themselves were like a code for Reno to read between the lines. It had been concerning and more than that--he had worried that Reno was pulling away from him. That they had tried something new and it wasn't meant to be. Rude tried to push that worry away now but there was still a few embers of doubt in his mind, present in their Bond even. He hid it behind the confident demand of reparations for the trouble but deep down he really wanted Reno to reassure him. Even if it was just in their dumb way of playing like dumb assholes that didn't do big emotional gestures. Even if it was just through some dumb joke only the two of them would get the real meaning out of. It's all he really needed to keep this charade up. And push a little more till they were both happy.
He nuzzled his nose into Reno's cheek as he waited for the redhead's response, grip along the chin tightening in a silent promise of more to come.
"I don't want any other partner than you" It's spoken mere inches from Rude’s lips, firm and breathless.
It was a hard and fast kiss that he pushed on Rude a moment before, coming from someone searching for some resemblance of control. Reno's not above trying that again, but not yet— He gives in into the embrace of the big arms that pull him close, willing, seeming small. Just fragile bones, feathers, and flesh in that embrace. And while he wishes they could move on, sidestep the issue entirely, forget it without looking back, it had cut too deeply to do that. And what they have is too fresh. As much as uncomfortable he is discussing this, and still hurt by the insistence of Rude needs his reassurance—
—as if he was every good in doing that.
"I thought I was keeping you safe, you know? Back then—" When he was withdrawing, taking a step back. The mind control spell made him believe the bullshit the cult spewed, but it couldn't erase his concern for Rude's well-being. All too aware of how much danger Cwyld presented to a dragon like Rude. "I didn't want you to catch that shit. It made sense, I was tricked to believe they had my back with it, but they didn't have yours. Shit, that might have been the most lucid decision I made back then."
He sighs shame and frustration filled. Can't erase what happened, but if he could go after Cillian, spell his doom, he would. For both of them
I don't want any other partner than you. It was dumb just how much that phrase made his heart swell in his chest. The emotion was overwhelming--in a good way, at least. It was really all Reno had to say to reassure Rude.
It wasn't all that was said though. Rude kept his head low, close to Reno as he listened to his partner's words. They made sense--as much as the reminder still hurt, it made sense in a way that he could easily see Reno falling into. It was just their dumb way to go all out to protect one another, in a way that sometimes was a bit destructive to them.
But they always came out on top, didn't they. Rude just had to remember that. Guess as dumb as they were, luck was still on their side for some reason. (Maybe they amused her.)
"...you idiot," he eventually replied with a deep rumbling in the back of his throat. It wasn't a growl. Not quite a purr but very close. Something oddly affectionate. "You would do that."
He nuzzled into Reno's cheek once more, showing his--not quite approval--acceptance of the explanation. An acceptance and understanding that in the end it wasn't Reno's fault. The redhead had tried his best with what little hold he had left. Rude could accept that, and be reassured that Reno still cared for him. If that kind of dedication even through the throes of mind control didn't prove it, what the hell else could?
Feeling Rude understand makes him feel as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He doesn't need the approval of that decision, ultimately it was a stupid thing and a mistake on his part— and a Turk has only one way of dealing with a mistake of this sort; learn, adapt, not allow it to happen ever again.
But the Turk part of his brain gets suddenly put on a backburner! Impossible to think this could happen, would it ever— and an impulse makes him play right into a possessive instinct of a dragon that he knows is there. Tune into poking into it.
Being careful because something might cause trouble just isn't Reno's style. Trouble are a thrill of life, right? Besides, Rude, he simply put trusts. Trust to go just exactly as far as they can take it.
Still, calling him dumb is rude, Rude! Well deserved, true, but still...! He punctuates that slight with the softest thump onto Rude's chest followed by a huff.
"The fucking best, and one in a kind. You can't find one like that anywhere else." he releases the fist and travels his hand up Rude's torso, to put his finger under his jaw. "Just like you. One of a kind. Forged to fit one another. Special shitty snowflakes that we are"
"Hmm. Is that what we are?" He said with a low rumble. The finger at his jaw caused him to raise his head just a little, and he looked down at Reno with an enticed glint in his eye. "I won't object to that. I like being made for you."
And vice versa. It was an arousing concept. To have his very own perfectly molded...soul mate? Was that what they were? Too philosophical for his taste. It didn't really matter. Whatever they were, they were perfect for each other. That was all that really mattered.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
after the Salvation of Geardagas: Part II event (latter half of February) 1/2
Rude was outraged at the stupidity of his partner. He had been upset, rightly so, at Reno for getting so involved with that mess that he'd ended up brainwashed for crying out loud. More so, however, the large Turk had been angry at the people in the cult that had forced this onto his friend and had taken it out on them during the final confrontation as much as possible. But now that was over and all Rude has was his raw emotions to deal with. It was hard to hold back; he had so many and on top of that his dragon instincts were causing him to want to hoard protectively over his partner and keep him safe from every possible harm the damn world could throw at him.
All the rage and anger really led back to one thing though: he was concerned with Reno's well being. He just wanted to keep Reno safe and watch him heal. He loved the reckless redhead so much but it was hard to watch Reno be Reno and want to protect him at the same time sometimes. That worry and concern peaked every time Reno passed by the front door to the point that even Rude was beginning to feel exhausted by his own over-protectiveness for Reno. He felt guilt for that, too, but also relief every time Reno simply headed to another part of the apartment with not even a glance at the possible escape from his lockdown.
And then there was the doubt. Rude tried not to think about it, knew that it wasn't right, but he had been surprised to find that Reno had managed to keep the cwyld infection from him for so long. It made sense considering how Reno had done his best to keep his distance and never letting Rude touch him for long moments, always moving away with swift little sidesteps. Hiding it from him. It had...hurt.
Half a month spent away from his partner. Their Bond closed off almost completely, a secret being kept by Reno, and no touch between them for so long. Rude couldn't help but wonder what was wrong. (What had he done wrong? Why had Reno separated from him? Had it fallen apart so quickly between them? Were they...done already?)
He kept it to himself then. Now he let all his emotions ping straight across their Bond openly. Anger, frustration, worry and concern, guilt...the lingering pain of doubt. He was angry at Reno, certainly, but more so himself for letting his partner down. Frustrated that he couldn't do more, even now as he took care of Reno. Worry and concern that had gnawed away at him while he watched Reno grow more and more distant to keep his secret, concern now over the smaller man's health because he had let the infection fester so long. Guilt for not seeing it sooner, not helping Reno keep his head on straight. The doubt...the lingering feelings of how it had hurt to be kept away. He was still wary to touch Reno and ask for that comfort. That feeling of closeness. To be assured they were--
His mixed feelings changed by the hour. He wasn't sure if he wanted to stew in them himself or was more keen to force Reno to experience them now that he was cornered in the apartment with him. He couldn't focus on just one either way. He'd feel guilt for them as he cycled through the bad ones, and in a sense sort of relieved when he settled into the more warm bits like concern and happiness that Reno was all right. He wanted to caress Reno and hold him and tell him it'd be okay, like a stupid worrywart or something; but held off, forcefully keeping an eye on Reno and pretending that he was fine playing hard-ass enforcer. That he could keep Reno locked in this apartment for who knew how long as if it were the right thing to do.
He knew better. He just didn't want to think about it yet.
2/2
One evening as Reno tried to sneak out the door while Rude was seemingly preoccupied elsewhere, the redheaded Turk would very suddenly hear a deep voice asking sharply, "Where the hell do you think you're going?"
There was a hard edge to it. Like Rude would absolutely go over there and manhandle Reno into staying inside whether he liked it or not if the redhead even attempted to open the door. At the same time there was a flippant off-handed inflection that made it sound like Rude didn't actually care, that he expected Reno to give him some bullshit answer anyway.
Which was it? That was for Reno to decide. Quickly. Rude was waiting.
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"I just want to get some cigarettes, man."
Reno doesn't bullshit Rude when it matters, or rather that's how it used to be before the cult turned everything on its head. But while the spoken intention is genuine, there's obviously, more to that. The walls of the apartment start to feel suffocating, and for the first time in — how long exactly?? — he feels recovered enough to take a walk.
And maybe forget, escape, for just a few minutes.
It never was supposed to end this way, but it did, and he has no idea... what's next. This whole investigation turned out to be a major fiasco, he got played like a fucking idiot. Confident that few bought trinkets and runes can buy him immunity to whatever gets flung at him, and then turns out it to be wrong. No need to say "you couldn't anticipate they will use mind control magic", because hell, he's a Turk. He should have anticipated every damn thing they threw at them.
It was insidious, really. Seeping slowly like venom, so every step taken seemed logical, natural, safe. Even keeping Rude out of the loop he perfectly explained to himself, which should have been the first red flag but went entirely unnoticed. Then he started to believe in their bullshit, believe in their vision. Like a fucking child.
Reno's rage was more internal than external — as to his knowledge, the whole failure of a Circle has been dealt with. What hasn't been dealt with, was his own failure. He was angry at himself, for failing Rude, for failing everything he was and aspired to be. Hell, he knows that dragons are more susceptible to Cwyld than others, that they should be careful— and yet he still put Rude at risk. At least he still had enough of the brain to keep his distance, but if that didn't work out...
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It came out as a deep growl, one that lingered in the dragon's throat long past the actual word. He didn't necessarily mean for it to happen but his dragon instincts were flared up high and it felt oddly good to voice his irritation at the situation. Like a wolf showing its displeasure at another pack member that was annoying it with stupid antics.
"You really think that's a good idea?"
A creak of leather sounded. The clench of Rude's fists had caused it.
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Reno's constantly going between wanting to bridge the gap, and figuring it's a very bad idea at least right now.
"I just have a need. Nothing more, nothing less" That's curt, but since it's Rude... he tries to make some effort, giving it a thought of what else he could add to it. "I take you don't want me to go"
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"Go outside where there's danger while you're still recovering from the mess you got into last?" He huffed a large puff of air from his nostrils as if he were some great beast of a dragon. "Why would you think that?"
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Compared to a big, strong dragon, he was just a lanky harpy, with ruffled feathers. He wouldn't trust himself with flying right now, and Rude must have been aware of it. Since he never tried to shoo Reno away from the windows. He is, certainly, not a picture of health.
But he also stubbornly wants a little bit of ability to self determine again.
His lips go into a thin, flat line and spats out without thinking.
"Since when there's something wrong with danger?"
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It's rare that Rude raises his voice, that he yells, especially at Reno. It was so rare he didn't even really do it whenever there were loud noises to talk over. He just projected his voice more. Hardly ever yelled. But this? This was an exception. There was a sharp bite to his words. More than that--
The large frame had rushed forward quickly. A hand pushed into Reno's chest and pinned him against the wall. His other hand splayed across the wall behind Reno's head, and the large dragon-man leaned forwards down over the smaller harpy. Without his sunglasses in place, it was impossible to miss the fire in his bright golden eyes. Wild, frustrated, burning emotion raw in his eyes.
"And the time before this I had to carry you out of harm's way. If I have to do that again-- if it's ever worse--" His voice cracked and he didn't finish that sentence. The thought was unbearable.
You can't leave him, Reno. Don't leave him behind.
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When his back hits the wall, and the imposing strength of his dragon Bonded keeps him locked in place, Reno groans and bends a little. Suddenly, suddenly he can feel Rude with the full intensity he allows. The frustration, the worry, the heartbreak.
The last time that was a close one, was the opposite of what happened with the Circle. It was a mission that has gone right, terribly right. And yet it ended exactly the same, with Rude carrying his nearly lifeless body.
"You think I wanted to fall for their bullshit?"
Holy shit, maybe he did. The enticement of someone being right, and being strong enough to follow their plan— no. That's definitely what the charm exploited, but he never chose to be under the influence. So he looks Rude in the eyes, voice strange and shaky. A small harpy challenging a large dragon... challenging or confessing? There's emotion there Rude's never heard before - shame.
"I keep wondering if they sit in my head still. If my thoughts are really my own— yeah, I fucked up. But they fucked with me first"
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It was unfair. Rude knew it and still he let those words fall out of his mouth. There was regret immediately. Yet there was also no apology, not verbally nor in the form of their Bond emotionally, he let it stand as if he meant them with full conviction. It was harsh, and unfair.
His fingers curled into Reno's chest, talons dangerously close to piercing flesh when they shouldn't. He leaned in closer, his head next to Reno's as he spoke next to the redhead's ear.
"How can I let you go when you tell me yourself that you're not certain you're better? How can I trust you to be safe without me? Why should I let you go, Reno? So I can lose you again?"
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Are they right about it? Is that what made him susceptible to the enchantment?
Live fast, die young, don't think too hard about shit that happens, because there's a lot of it. While Reno is capable of introspection, it is not something that he exercises often. Aefenglom might have shifted his priorities back from "consummate professional" back into "survival above everything else", but Rude remained one constant in his life. Though... things changed there too. A lot. He still wanted to fight— the accusation, the pressure, the closeness.
"Asshole, you—" he hisses and curls his hand into a fist that he bumps into Rude's chest. There's not enough space to gain momentum and strength, so it's useless, both as a hit and as a statement. "Using my words against me? That's how you want to do it?"
Because oh he can play that game. It's cruel and vindictive, and— not something he'd want to use on Rude. But when he's cornered, all defense instincts (old and new) kick in. Fight or flight, or...
"You could have just said you'll go with me" Reno grunts gruffly to cover the hurt "But you wanted to throw that in my face."
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Rude let out a distraught sigh of air and loosened his grip on Reno. He was hurting the thing he wanted to protect most all on his own.
His hand lifted from Reno's chest to hesitantly cup the redhead's chin. He didn't deserve the right to comfort his partner after what he did but it was what he wanted to do. He avoided Reno's eyes by staying close and not letting the harpy manuever into a better position.
"Reno..." Even with his deep voice the name came out airy, emotional. "I... don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt you. I just- I need to protect you."
He pulled away to finally meet Reno's eyes, steady and firm despite the emotion roiling inside. He still kept his hand on Reno's chin, a thumb brushing along the skin carefully.
"...I'll go with you, if you'll have me."
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Turquoise eyes darken darkens with sudden ferocity and he lunges forward. their teeth clacking with the force of his kiss— that he has to stand on his toes to reach. His kiss is like an attack, starved for something, something that's deeply woven and knotted between the cage of his ribs.
"Always—" And it's over as soon as it began with a cackle at the edge of his breath. "Shit, you're an asshole, but you're my asshole"
He's placated, even though that aggression, that... ferocity, still courses through his veins. Making no move to get out of this spot, no effort to escape.
"I ain't fragile, you don't have to fear manhandling me a bit, just don't—" his voice stops, and he doesn't finish, turning his gaze away. Don't hit in the weakness, don't dig into the only insecurity that there might be, but he can't say that out loud.
"We might hurt each other, that's what we're good" instead he says wistfully. But they're also resilient bastards.
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But Reno didn't move out of his personal space and Rude took the opportunity to wrap an arm around the redhead's waist to hold him there firmly. His eyes sparked with something needy and dark at Reno's words. They held a truth in them that was both sad and yet enticingly exhilarating. The idea of them fighting for something more...pleasurable.
"I know you're strong," he replied instead of ignoring the words for something else entirely. "But you deserve better from your partner."
This wasn't some playful fight over who would write the latest report. It wasn't even a simple spat over some dumb joke that went too far that later wouldn't even matter to either of them because the reality was that no matter what happened between them they would always be partners. No, this was more personal, more close to the bone. It had struck a sensitive nerve on purpose and that wasn't acceptable.
Especially as they were more than just partners these days. It was all still so new to them though so there was still things to discover. On top of that this world gave them further complications. But as much as Rude would have liked to blame it on his dragon side, that was still just an excuse. He had to have better control than that. How could he protect Reno if he didn't?
Still, that didn't mean his apology had to be very...normal. What was normal for them was just plain boring. A little thrill would go a lot further for both of them.
Rude tightened his grip on Reno, holding the harpy almost painfully close, and his other hand found its way back to Reno's chin to hold firmly. "I missed you, damn it." If it wasn't obvious through their Bond that he meant it sincerely then the tension throughout his body and the spark created between them as they held each other close would have made it so. "You know I hate worrying," he growled though now the sound was a completely different tone. It was playful in a rough way, demanding way that spoke of desire rather than annoyance or hurt.
And the words themselves were like a code for Reno to read between the lines. It had been concerning and more than that--he had worried that Reno was pulling away from him. That they had tried something new and it wasn't meant to be. Rude tried to push that worry away now but there was still a few embers of doubt in his mind, present in their Bond even. He hid it behind the confident demand of reparations for the trouble but deep down he really wanted Reno to reassure him. Even if it was just in their dumb way of playing like dumb assholes that didn't do big emotional gestures. Even if it was just through some dumb joke only the two of them would get the real meaning out of. It's all he really needed to keep this charade up. And push a little more till they were both happy.
He nuzzled his nose into Reno's cheek as he waited for the redhead's response, grip along the chin tightening in a silent promise of more to come.
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It was a hard and fast kiss that he pushed on Rude a moment before, coming from someone searching for some resemblance of control. Reno's not above trying that again, but not yet— He gives in into the embrace of the big arms that pull him close, willing, seeming small. Just fragile bones, feathers, and flesh in that embrace. And while he wishes they could move on, sidestep the issue entirely, forget it without looking back, it had cut too deeply to do that. And what they have is too fresh. As much as uncomfortable he is discussing this, and still hurt by the insistence of Rude needs his reassurance—
—as if he was every good in doing that.
"I thought I was keeping you safe, you know? Back then—" When he was withdrawing, taking a step back. The mind control spell made him believe the bullshit the cult spewed, but it couldn't erase his concern for Rude's well-being. All too aware of how much danger Cwyld presented to a dragon like Rude. "I didn't want you to catch that shit. It made sense, I was tricked to believe they had my back with it, but they didn't have yours. Shit, that might have been the most lucid decision I made back then."
He sighs shame and frustration filled. Can't erase what happened, but if he could go after Cillian, spell his doom, he would. For both of them
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It wasn't all that was said though. Rude kept his head low, close to Reno as he listened to his partner's words. They made sense--as much as the reminder still hurt, it made sense in a way that he could easily see Reno falling into. It was just their dumb way to go all out to protect one another, in a way that sometimes was a bit destructive to them.
But they always came out on top, didn't they. Rude just had to remember that. Guess as dumb as they were, luck was still on their side for some reason. (Maybe they amused her.)
"...you idiot," he eventually replied with a deep rumbling in the back of his throat. It wasn't a growl. Not quite a purr but very close. Something oddly affectionate. "You would do that."
He nuzzled into Reno's cheek once more, showing his--not quite approval--acceptance of the explanation. An acceptance and understanding that in the end it wasn't Reno's fault. The redhead had tried his best with what little hold he had left. Rude could accept that, and be reassured that Reno still cared for him. If that kind of dedication even through the throes of mind control didn't prove it, what the hell else could?
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But the Turk part of his brain gets suddenly put on a backburner! Impossible to think this could happen, would it ever— and an impulse makes him play right into a possessive instinct of a dragon that he knows is there. Tune into poking into it.
"Mmmm, that's right" he coos "Yours"
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For now though it got another low growl out of Rude, rough sounding but exuding love nonetheless somehow. A very possessive and demanding love.
"My dumb bird, huh? Good thing he's damn pretty and the best at what he does."
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Still, calling him dumb is rude, Rude! Well deserved, true, but still...! He punctuates that slight with the softest thump onto Rude's chest followed by a huff.
"The fucking best, and one in a kind. You can't find one like that anywhere else." he releases the fist and travels his hand up Rude's torso, to put his finger under his jaw. "Just like you. One of a kind. Forged to fit one another. Special shitty snowflakes that we are"
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And vice versa. It was an arousing concept. To have his very own perfectly molded...soul mate? Was that what they were? Too philosophical for his taste. It didn't really matter. Whatever they were, they were perfect for each other. That was all that really mattered.