It came out as a deep growl, one that lingered in the dragon's throat long past the actual word. He didn't necessarily mean for it to happen but his dragon instincts were flared up high and it felt oddly good to voice his irritation at the situation. Like a wolf showing its displeasure at another pack member that was annoying it with stupid antics.
"You really think that's a good idea?"
A creak of leather sounded. The clench of Rude's fists had caused it.
It's not like Reno's ideas were any good lately. Like that... investigations for example. Or keeping distance too. Despite their closeness, the thrumming of emotions over the Bond dulled by the walls, and lack of touch. Nothing alike to when it initially settled.
Reno's constantly going between wanting to bridge the gap, and figuring it's a very bad idea at least right now.
"I just have a need. Nothing more, nothing less" That's curt, but since it's Rude... he tries to make some effort, giving it a thought of what else he could add to it. "I take you don't want me to go"
That plaintive sentence at the end gave Rude pause. It was blunt and as well it should have been. He was being unreasonable about this, wasn't he? But he wanted--he needed to keep his partner safe. Even if it was from himself.
"Go outside where there's danger while you're still recovering from the mess you got into last?" He huffed a large puff of air from his nostrils as if he were some great beast of a dragon. "Why would you think that?"
Well damn, he had to look up at his partner— he always had to look up, but with their changes, the difference became just... more noticeable. Sometimes imposing, usually in a good way.
Compared to a big, strong dragon, he was just a lanky harpy, with ruffled feathers. He wouldn't trust himself with flying right now, and Rude must have been aware of it. Since he never tried to shoo Reno away from the windows. He is, certainly, not a picture of health.
But he also stubbornly wants a little bit of ability to self determine again.
His lips go into a thin, flat line and spats out without thinking.
It's rare that Rude raises his voice, that he yells, especially at Reno. It was so rare he didn't even really do it whenever there were loud noises to talk over. He just projected his voice more. Hardly ever yelled. But this? This was an exception. There was a sharp bite to his words. More than that--
The large frame had rushed forward quickly. A hand pushed into Reno's chest and pinned him against the wall. His other hand splayed across the wall behind Reno's head, and the large dragon-man leaned forwards down over the smaller harpy. Without his sunglasses in place, it was impossible to miss the fire in his bright golden eyes. Wild, frustrated, burning emotion raw in his eyes.
"And the time before this I had to carry you out of harm's way. If I have to do that again-- if it's ever worse--" His voice cracked and he didn't finish that sentence. The thought was unbearable.
You can't leave him, Reno. Don't leave him behind.
Reno's face twists as if Rude's words caused him physical pain— Fuck up once, it happens. Fuck up twice, it's a coincidence. Fuck up three times and it's a pattern.
When his back hits the wall, and the imposing strength of his dragon Bonded keeps him locked in place, Reno groans and bends a little. Suddenly, suddenly he can feel Rude with the full intensity he allows. The frustration, the worry, the heartbreak.
The last time that was a close one, was the opposite of what happened with the Circle. It was a mission that has gone right, terribly right. And yet it ended exactly the same, with Rude carrying his nearly lifeless body.
"You think I wanted to fall for their bullshit?"
Holy shit, maybe he did. The enticement of someone being right, and being strong enough to follow their plan— no. That's definitely what the charm exploited, but he never chose to be under the influence. So he looks Rude in the eyes, voice strange and shaky. A small harpy challenging a large dragon... challenging or confessing? There's emotion there Rude's never heard before - shame.
"I keep wondering if they sit in my head still. If my thoughts are really my own— yeah, I fucked up. But they fucked with me first"
It was unfair. Rude knew it and still he let those words fall out of his mouth. There was regret immediately. Yet there was also no apology, not verbally nor in the form of their Bond emotionally, he let it stand as if he meant them with full conviction. It was harsh, and unfair.
His fingers curled into Reno's chest, talons dangerously close to piercing flesh when they shouldn't. He leaned in closer, his head next to Reno's as he spoke next to the redhead's ear.
"How can I let you go when you tell me yourself that you're not certain you're better? How can I trust you to be safe without me? Why should I let you go, Reno? So I can lose you again?"
First Aerith, now Rude of all people? Is that what they think of him? That he wanted someone high up there to blindly follow, someone to tell him what to do, someone to make him into a useful asset—
Are they right about it? Is that what made him susceptible to the enchantment?
Live fast, die young, don't think too hard about shit that happens, because there's a lot of it. While Reno is capable of introspection, it is not something that he exercises often. Aefenglom might have shifted his priorities back from "consummate professional" back into "survival above everything else", but Rude remained one constant in his life. Though... things changed there too. A lot. He still wanted to fight— the accusation, the pressure, the closeness.
"Asshole, you—" he hisses and curls his hand into a fist that he bumps into Rude's chest. There's not enough space to gain momentum and strength, so it's useless, both as a hit and as a statement. "Using my words against me? That's how you want to do it?"
Because oh he can play that game. It's cruel and vindictive, and— not something he'd want to use on Rude. But when he's cornered, all defense instincts (old and new) kick in. Fight or flight, or...
"You could have just said you'll go with me" Reno grunts gruffly to cover the hurt "But you wanted to throw that in my face."
Reno wasn't wrong. It should have hurt Rude more to have that thrown right back at him. He paused to assess. When he let himself think about it he could feel the guilt seep in. It did hurt, he was just running on instincts that wanted to curb those emotions to get what he wanted without compromise. That was wrong.
Rude let out a distraught sigh of air and loosened his grip on Reno. He was hurting the thing he wanted to protect most all on his own.
His hand lifted from Reno's chest to hesitantly cup the redhead's chin. He didn't deserve the right to comfort his partner after what he did but it was what he wanted to do. He avoided Reno's eyes by staying close and not letting the harpy manuever into a better position.
"Reno..." Even with his deep voice the name came out airy, emotional. "I... don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt you. I just- I need to protect you."
He pulled away to finally meet Reno's eyes, steady and firm despite the emotion roiling inside. He still kept his hand on Reno's chin, a thumb brushing along the skin carefully.
As Reno was subconsciously gearing up for a fight, air thrumming in his lungs with every breath he took. Thought he'd deflate at the sign of Rude's yielding, at the compromise and the tender gentleness that followed. He's still high-strung with emotion, but also intensely needing Rude to not move away.
Turquoise eyes darken darkens with sudden ferocity and he lunges forward. their teeth clacking with the force of his kiss— that he has to stand on his toes to reach. His kiss is like an attack, starved for something, something that's deeply woven and knotted between the cage of his ribs.
"Always—" And it's over as soon as it began with a cackle at the edge of his breath. "Shit, you're an asshole, but you're my asshole"
He's placated, even though that aggression, that... ferocity, still courses through his veins. Making no move to get out of this spot, no effort to escape.
"I ain't fragile, you don't have to fear manhandling me a bit, just don't—" his voice stops, and he doesn't finish, turning his gaze away. Don't hit in the weakness, don't dig into the only insecurity that there might be, but he can't say that out loud.
"We might hurt each other, that's what we're good" instead he says wistfully. But they're also resilient bastards.
Startled by the sudden ferocity of Reno's attack on his mouth, Rude had to make an effort not to take a step back. He groaned softly in surprise and pleasure both, wanting, needing this as much as Reno and disappointed when it stopped just as suddenly as it started.
But Reno didn't move out of his personal space and Rude took the opportunity to wrap an arm around the redhead's waist to hold him there firmly. His eyes sparked with something needy and dark at Reno's words. They held a truth in them that was both sad and yet enticingly exhilarating. The idea of them fighting for something more...pleasurable.
"I know you're strong," he replied instead of ignoring the words for something else entirely. "But you deserve better from your partner."
This wasn't some playful fight over who would write the latest report. It wasn't even a simple spat over some dumb joke that went too far that later wouldn't even matter to either of them because the reality was that no matter what happened between them they would always be partners. No, this was more personal, more close to the bone. It had struck a sensitive nerve on purpose and that wasn't acceptable.
Especially as they were more than just partners these days. It was all still so new to them though so there was still things to discover. On top of that this world gave them further complications. But as much as Rude would have liked to blame it on his dragon side, that was still just an excuse. He had to have better control than that. How could he protect Reno if he didn't?
Still, that didn't mean his apology had to be very...normal. What was normal for them was just plain boring. A little thrill would go a lot further for both of them.
Rude tightened his grip on Reno, holding the harpy almost painfully close, and his other hand found its way back to Reno's chin to hold firmly. "I missed you, damn it." If it wasn't obvious through their Bond that he meant it sincerely then the tension throughout his body and the spark created between them as they held each other close would have made it so. "You know I hate worrying," he growled though now the sound was a completely different tone. It was playful in a rough way, demanding way that spoke of desire rather than annoyance or hurt.
And the words themselves were like a code for Reno to read between the lines. It had been concerning and more than that--he had worried that Reno was pulling away from him. That they had tried something new and it wasn't meant to be. Rude tried to push that worry away now but there was still a few embers of doubt in his mind, present in their Bond even. He hid it behind the confident demand of reparations for the trouble but deep down he really wanted Reno to reassure him. Even if it was just in their dumb way of playing like dumb assholes that didn't do big emotional gestures. Even if it was just through some dumb joke only the two of them would get the real meaning out of. It's all he really needed to keep this charade up. And push a little more till they were both happy.
He nuzzled his nose into Reno's cheek as he waited for the redhead's response, grip along the chin tightening in a silent promise of more to come.
"I don't want any other partner than you" It's spoken mere inches from Rude’s lips, firm and breathless.
It was a hard and fast kiss that he pushed on Rude a moment before, coming from someone searching for some resemblance of control. Reno's not above trying that again, but not yet— He gives in into the embrace of the big arms that pull him close, willing, seeming small. Just fragile bones, feathers, and flesh in that embrace. And while he wishes they could move on, sidestep the issue entirely, forget it without looking back, it had cut too deeply to do that. And what they have is too fresh. As much as uncomfortable he is discussing this, and still hurt by the insistence of Rude needs his reassurance—
—as if he was every good in doing that.
"I thought I was keeping you safe, you know? Back then—" When he was withdrawing, taking a step back. The mind control spell made him believe the bullshit the cult spewed, but it couldn't erase his concern for Rude's well-being. All too aware of how much danger Cwyld presented to a dragon like Rude. "I didn't want you to catch that shit. It made sense, I was tricked to believe they had my back with it, but they didn't have yours. Shit, that might have been the most lucid decision I made back then."
He sighs shame and frustration filled. Can't erase what happened, but if he could go after Cillian, spell his doom, he would. For both of them
I don't want any other partner than you. It was dumb just how much that phrase made his heart swell in his chest. The emotion was overwhelming--in a good way, at least. It was really all Reno had to say to reassure Rude.
It wasn't all that was said though. Rude kept his head low, close to Reno as he listened to his partner's words. They made sense--as much as the reminder still hurt, it made sense in a way that he could easily see Reno falling into. It was just their dumb way to go all out to protect one another, in a way that sometimes was a bit destructive to them.
But they always came out on top, didn't they. Rude just had to remember that. Guess as dumb as they were, luck was still on their side for some reason. (Maybe they amused her.)
"...you idiot," he eventually replied with a deep rumbling in the back of his throat. It wasn't a growl. Not quite a purr but very close. Something oddly affectionate. "You would do that."
He nuzzled into Reno's cheek once more, showing his--not quite approval--acceptance of the explanation. An acceptance and understanding that in the end it wasn't Reno's fault. The redhead had tried his best with what little hold he had left. Rude could accept that, and be reassured that Reno still cared for him. If that kind of dedication even through the throes of mind control didn't prove it, what the hell else could?
Feeling Rude understand makes him feel as if a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders. He doesn't need the approval of that decision, ultimately it was a stupid thing and a mistake on his part— and a Turk has only one way of dealing with a mistake of this sort; learn, adapt, not allow it to happen ever again.
But the Turk part of his brain gets suddenly put on a backburner! Impossible to think this could happen, would it ever— and an impulse makes him play right into a possessive instinct of a dragon that he knows is there. Tune into poking into it.
Being careful because something might cause trouble just isn't Reno's style. Trouble are a thrill of life, right? Besides, Rude, he simply put trusts. Trust to go just exactly as far as they can take it.
Still, calling him dumb is rude, Rude! Well deserved, true, but still...! He punctuates that slight with the softest thump onto Rude's chest followed by a huff.
"The fucking best, and one in a kind. You can't find one like that anywhere else." he releases the fist and travels his hand up Rude's torso, to put his finger under his jaw. "Just like you. One of a kind. Forged to fit one another. Special shitty snowflakes that we are"
"Hmm. Is that what we are?" He said with a low rumble. The finger at his jaw caused him to raise his head just a little, and he looked down at Reno with an enticed glint in his eye. "I won't object to that. I like being made for you."
And vice versa. It was an arousing concept. To have his very own perfectly molded...soul mate? Was that what they were? Too philosophical for his taste. It didn't really matter. Whatever they were, they were perfect for each other. That was all that really mattered.
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It came out as a deep growl, one that lingered in the dragon's throat long past the actual word. He didn't necessarily mean for it to happen but his dragon instincts were flared up high and it felt oddly good to voice his irritation at the situation. Like a wolf showing its displeasure at another pack member that was annoying it with stupid antics.
"You really think that's a good idea?"
A creak of leather sounded. The clench of Rude's fists had caused it.
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Reno's constantly going between wanting to bridge the gap, and figuring it's a very bad idea at least right now.
"I just have a need. Nothing more, nothing less" That's curt, but since it's Rude... he tries to make some effort, giving it a thought of what else he could add to it. "I take you don't want me to go"
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"Go outside where there's danger while you're still recovering from the mess you got into last?" He huffed a large puff of air from his nostrils as if he were some great beast of a dragon. "Why would you think that?"
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Compared to a big, strong dragon, he was just a lanky harpy, with ruffled feathers. He wouldn't trust himself with flying right now, and Rude must have been aware of it. Since he never tried to shoo Reno away from the windows. He is, certainly, not a picture of health.
But he also stubbornly wants a little bit of ability to self determine again.
His lips go into a thin, flat line and spats out without thinking.
"Since when there's something wrong with danger?"
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It's rare that Rude raises his voice, that he yells, especially at Reno. It was so rare he didn't even really do it whenever there were loud noises to talk over. He just projected his voice more. Hardly ever yelled. But this? This was an exception. There was a sharp bite to his words. More than that--
The large frame had rushed forward quickly. A hand pushed into Reno's chest and pinned him against the wall. His other hand splayed across the wall behind Reno's head, and the large dragon-man leaned forwards down over the smaller harpy. Without his sunglasses in place, it was impossible to miss the fire in his bright golden eyes. Wild, frustrated, burning emotion raw in his eyes.
"And the time before this I had to carry you out of harm's way. If I have to do that again-- if it's ever worse--" His voice cracked and he didn't finish that sentence. The thought was unbearable.
You can't leave him, Reno. Don't leave him behind.
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When his back hits the wall, and the imposing strength of his dragon Bonded keeps him locked in place, Reno groans and bends a little. Suddenly, suddenly he can feel Rude with the full intensity he allows. The frustration, the worry, the heartbreak.
The last time that was a close one, was the opposite of what happened with the Circle. It was a mission that has gone right, terribly right. And yet it ended exactly the same, with Rude carrying his nearly lifeless body.
"You think I wanted to fall for their bullshit?"
Holy shit, maybe he did. The enticement of someone being right, and being strong enough to follow their plan— no. That's definitely what the charm exploited, but he never chose to be under the influence. So he looks Rude in the eyes, voice strange and shaky. A small harpy challenging a large dragon... challenging or confessing? There's emotion there Rude's never heard before - shame.
"I keep wondering if they sit in my head still. If my thoughts are really my own— yeah, I fucked up. But they fucked with me first"
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It was unfair. Rude knew it and still he let those words fall out of his mouth. There was regret immediately. Yet there was also no apology, not verbally nor in the form of their Bond emotionally, he let it stand as if he meant them with full conviction. It was harsh, and unfair.
His fingers curled into Reno's chest, talons dangerously close to piercing flesh when they shouldn't. He leaned in closer, his head next to Reno's as he spoke next to the redhead's ear.
"How can I let you go when you tell me yourself that you're not certain you're better? How can I trust you to be safe without me? Why should I let you go, Reno? So I can lose you again?"
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Are they right about it? Is that what made him susceptible to the enchantment?
Live fast, die young, don't think too hard about shit that happens, because there's a lot of it. While Reno is capable of introspection, it is not something that he exercises often. Aefenglom might have shifted his priorities back from "consummate professional" back into "survival above everything else", but Rude remained one constant in his life. Though... things changed there too. A lot. He still wanted to fight— the accusation, the pressure, the closeness.
"Asshole, you—" he hisses and curls his hand into a fist that he bumps into Rude's chest. There's not enough space to gain momentum and strength, so it's useless, both as a hit and as a statement. "Using my words against me? That's how you want to do it?"
Because oh he can play that game. It's cruel and vindictive, and— not something he'd want to use on Rude. But when he's cornered, all defense instincts (old and new) kick in. Fight or flight, or...
"You could have just said you'll go with me" Reno grunts gruffly to cover the hurt "But you wanted to throw that in my face."
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Rude let out a distraught sigh of air and loosened his grip on Reno. He was hurting the thing he wanted to protect most all on his own.
His hand lifted from Reno's chest to hesitantly cup the redhead's chin. He didn't deserve the right to comfort his partner after what he did but it was what he wanted to do. He avoided Reno's eyes by staying close and not letting the harpy manuever into a better position.
"Reno..." Even with his deep voice the name came out airy, emotional. "I... don't want to do this. I don't want to hurt you. I just- I need to protect you."
He pulled away to finally meet Reno's eyes, steady and firm despite the emotion roiling inside. He still kept his hand on Reno's chin, a thumb brushing along the skin carefully.
"...I'll go with you, if you'll have me."
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Turquoise eyes darken darkens with sudden ferocity and he lunges forward. their teeth clacking with the force of his kiss— that he has to stand on his toes to reach. His kiss is like an attack, starved for something, something that's deeply woven and knotted between the cage of his ribs.
"Always—" And it's over as soon as it began with a cackle at the edge of his breath. "Shit, you're an asshole, but you're my asshole"
He's placated, even though that aggression, that... ferocity, still courses through his veins. Making no move to get out of this spot, no effort to escape.
"I ain't fragile, you don't have to fear manhandling me a bit, just don't—" his voice stops, and he doesn't finish, turning his gaze away. Don't hit in the weakness, don't dig into the only insecurity that there might be, but he can't say that out loud.
"We might hurt each other, that's what we're good" instead he says wistfully. But they're also resilient bastards.
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But Reno didn't move out of his personal space and Rude took the opportunity to wrap an arm around the redhead's waist to hold him there firmly. His eyes sparked with something needy and dark at Reno's words. They held a truth in them that was both sad and yet enticingly exhilarating. The idea of them fighting for something more...pleasurable.
"I know you're strong," he replied instead of ignoring the words for something else entirely. "But you deserve better from your partner."
This wasn't some playful fight over who would write the latest report. It wasn't even a simple spat over some dumb joke that went too far that later wouldn't even matter to either of them because the reality was that no matter what happened between them they would always be partners. No, this was more personal, more close to the bone. It had struck a sensitive nerve on purpose and that wasn't acceptable.
Especially as they were more than just partners these days. It was all still so new to them though so there was still things to discover. On top of that this world gave them further complications. But as much as Rude would have liked to blame it on his dragon side, that was still just an excuse. He had to have better control than that. How could he protect Reno if he didn't?
Still, that didn't mean his apology had to be very...normal. What was normal for them was just plain boring. A little thrill would go a lot further for both of them.
Rude tightened his grip on Reno, holding the harpy almost painfully close, and his other hand found its way back to Reno's chin to hold firmly. "I missed you, damn it." If it wasn't obvious through their Bond that he meant it sincerely then the tension throughout his body and the spark created between them as they held each other close would have made it so. "You know I hate worrying," he growled though now the sound was a completely different tone. It was playful in a rough way, demanding way that spoke of desire rather than annoyance or hurt.
And the words themselves were like a code for Reno to read between the lines. It had been concerning and more than that--he had worried that Reno was pulling away from him. That they had tried something new and it wasn't meant to be. Rude tried to push that worry away now but there was still a few embers of doubt in his mind, present in their Bond even. He hid it behind the confident demand of reparations for the trouble but deep down he really wanted Reno to reassure him. Even if it was just in their dumb way of playing like dumb assholes that didn't do big emotional gestures. Even if it was just through some dumb joke only the two of them would get the real meaning out of. It's all he really needed to keep this charade up. And push a little more till they were both happy.
He nuzzled his nose into Reno's cheek as he waited for the redhead's response, grip along the chin tightening in a silent promise of more to come.
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It was a hard and fast kiss that he pushed on Rude a moment before, coming from someone searching for some resemblance of control. Reno's not above trying that again, but not yet— He gives in into the embrace of the big arms that pull him close, willing, seeming small. Just fragile bones, feathers, and flesh in that embrace. And while he wishes they could move on, sidestep the issue entirely, forget it without looking back, it had cut too deeply to do that. And what they have is too fresh. As much as uncomfortable he is discussing this, and still hurt by the insistence of Rude needs his reassurance—
—as if he was every good in doing that.
"I thought I was keeping you safe, you know? Back then—" When he was withdrawing, taking a step back. The mind control spell made him believe the bullshit the cult spewed, but it couldn't erase his concern for Rude's well-being. All too aware of how much danger Cwyld presented to a dragon like Rude. "I didn't want you to catch that shit. It made sense, I was tricked to believe they had my back with it, but they didn't have yours. Shit, that might have been the most lucid decision I made back then."
He sighs shame and frustration filled. Can't erase what happened, but if he could go after Cillian, spell his doom, he would. For both of them
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It wasn't all that was said though. Rude kept his head low, close to Reno as he listened to his partner's words. They made sense--as much as the reminder still hurt, it made sense in a way that he could easily see Reno falling into. It was just their dumb way to go all out to protect one another, in a way that sometimes was a bit destructive to them.
But they always came out on top, didn't they. Rude just had to remember that. Guess as dumb as they were, luck was still on their side for some reason. (Maybe they amused her.)
"...you idiot," he eventually replied with a deep rumbling in the back of his throat. It wasn't a growl. Not quite a purr but very close. Something oddly affectionate. "You would do that."
He nuzzled into Reno's cheek once more, showing his--not quite approval--acceptance of the explanation. An acceptance and understanding that in the end it wasn't Reno's fault. The redhead had tried his best with what little hold he had left. Rude could accept that, and be reassured that Reno still cared for him. If that kind of dedication even through the throes of mind control didn't prove it, what the hell else could?
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But the Turk part of his brain gets suddenly put on a backburner! Impossible to think this could happen, would it ever— and an impulse makes him play right into a possessive instinct of a dragon that he knows is there. Tune into poking into it.
"Mmmm, that's right" he coos "Yours"
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For now though it got another low growl out of Rude, rough sounding but exuding love nonetheless somehow. A very possessive and demanding love.
"My dumb bird, huh? Good thing he's damn pretty and the best at what he does."
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Still, calling him dumb is rude, Rude! Well deserved, true, but still...! He punctuates that slight with the softest thump onto Rude's chest followed by a huff.
"The fucking best, and one in a kind. You can't find one like that anywhere else." he releases the fist and travels his hand up Rude's torso, to put his finger under his jaw. "Just like you. One of a kind. Forged to fit one another. Special shitty snowflakes that we are"
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And vice versa. It was an arousing concept. To have his very own perfectly molded...soul mate? Was that what they were? Too philosophical for his taste. It didn't really matter. Whatever they were, they were perfect for each other. That was all that really mattered.